So... I really wish I knew what I wanted to say, this season of my life has brought so many unexpected lows. You go to bed feeling at peace with it and wake up feeling like something is missing. That panic, that breath taking fear that something you loved, wanted treasured is gone!
Trying to find the right words to write it instead of speaking it clouds it so till none of it seem really relevant and as if your mind creates its own rebuttal. Maybe it is because, not maybe, but because it is not relevant. Not that my feelings or emotions are not relevant but that the are not the END neither the deciding factor to the outcome of it all. So placing so much importance on this moment, these feelings....seem so childish, for a woman of faith right?
There is a stronger me that realizes what I am experiencing is a form of "mental" war far... an attack to draw me out of the peace and will of God and push me into responding out of my fear and anxiousness. But I heard the Spirit of the Lord and the man of God say, be anxious for nothing.
I already know that God is in control and truly there is nothing for ME to do but be still and wait on Him.
I trust the Lord to handle this situation and to work it not just for my good, but to His Glory. When I think of it that way I feel a little less defeated, strong even! I am beginning to get a little lonely, with having no one to interact with, but I am grateful for this place I am in. I am hoping to discover a greater me here. Knowing that I am overshadowed by a greater power and authority than I...I... feel like how Christ must have felt in the Garden of Gethsemane..."nevertheless, let thy will be done."
